Something has taken control of my brain, my thoughts, my emotions. I have no control over them anymore. I've been slipping for a long time despite my attempts to ignore it. I can't ignore it any longer.
I need psychiatric help. Soon.
This past week especially has been a roller coaster as my state of mind has quickly deteriorated. It takes all I have just to stay flat lined emotionally. Lately that hasn't been enough and I swing back and forth between hour long jags of extreme sadness and crying.. to bouts with uncontrollable anger.. to very real thoughts of self harm and even suicide.
These swings can come and go back to back with almost no transition between them.
Last night hubby told me to put on my shoes, that he was taking me to the hospital. I refused. I can see how that may be in my near future but I will not spend Christmas in a psychiatric hospital. I will not. I will try to hang on long enough to try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist after the holidays.
I've always said I can tell the difference between normal hormonal mood swings, etc. and serious mental health issues with myself. I'm not blind. I KNOW this is not good, what I've entered into.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Please.
Note: I called my doctor at home and he is phoning in a couple things that will hopefully tide me over.