I had quite a few "up" days in a row lately. Every morning for the last week I'd wake up and wonder.. Is today the day it ends? To my astonishment, the answer on all those days was no.
Just yesterday afternoon I commented in an email to someone that I've been waiting. Sure that the good days wouldn't last. People with bipolar disorder accept this as a fact of life.
Out of the blue yesterday, right before dinnertime, it ended for no apparent reason. All my smiles and feeling so upbeat just went POOF.. gone. I've mentioned before that it's as if someone just flipped the switch. That's almost how fast it happens.
I was in the middle of cooking dinner and all of a sudden I couldn't finish. I turned off the stove and went to sit on the couch and started crying. Hubby put "dinner" in the fridge and went out to get McD. (He's good at adapting to my mood swings.) We sat on the couch to eat and then watched TV.
He held me close when I could handle it and held my hand when too much closeness overwhelmed me. Asking me often if there was anything he could do. See.. although it frustrates him that he can't fix me, he knows now that all he has to do is be willing to listen if and when I feel I can talk. To remind me by his presence that he's there for me. Always.
I woke up this morning feeling a little better. I decided I wasn't going to lay around with the back of my hand pressed to my forehead all day saying, "Woe is me." For today at least, I will put one foot in front of the other. And keep in mind it's OK to rest now and then.. as long as I remember to get back up.