Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Messed Up

I am very opinionated. That's a fact. Sometimes that's good and other times it gets me in trouble. But I'm always honest and, when asked, will tell it how I see it. Ok ok.. sometimes I don't always wait to be asked. *blink*

One problem is that my opinions are skewed by a past of abuse, lies and the ordinary and extraordinary things life will throw at you. I sometimes react in a way (maybe) the majority of people wouldn't. I've worked hard exorcizing the demons of my past. They are not an excuse for me or my actions anymore. Yet, old habits are hard to break.

I also have a degree of paranoia. I constantly worry about what others think of me. This can be very distracting and, in part, keeps me inside. I worry people will be repulsed by my obesity. In the store, I actually look around to see if I'm the fattest person there. Usually I am. I'm ashamed to eat in the car because I worry someone will drive by and think 'no wonder she's fat'. (I know at least one other person who shares this with me.) Because I'm a smoker, so I try to keep away from people so I don't offend them with my smoky smell.

Hmm. I'm a bit surprised how much I was able to come up with.. and how quickly. I better go think on it.

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