Tuesday, December 02, 2008


A warning to my family. Yes. I'm going to discuss our private business. Again.

This is a recent picture of my daughter and oldest grandson. Those of you who have been around me and this blog of mine will maybe remember that near the beginning of this year my daughter went into DEEP postpartum depression and attempted suicide after the birth of her daughter. She was in a psychiatric hospital for a couple months.

When she was discharged from the hospital, she was not allowed to go home. In fact, she's not been allowed to have unsupervised contact with this son of hers for almost a year now. The State says she's a "danger" to him. (Bull PooPoo!) She can only see him in an office, once a week. For one hour.

She missed his birthday party, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and will be missing Christmas with him. She's missed him loosing teeth, going to school, everything.

This grandson of mine has been living with daughter's boyfriend, who is the father of her daughter. She can see her daughter but only when the boyfriend is present. Never alone.

The boyfriend did step up to the plate, as Dr. Phil likes to say. He DID keep the boy with him. He even applied for and was approved to be a foster parent of my grandson.

But. The boyfriend blames my family for the problems my daughter has. He has been difficult to work with in arranging times to visit with the kids. Eventually he got to where he wouldn't even return my calls. This has been going on for many many many months.

He and my daughter have broken up and there is no indication they will get back together.

Here comes the reason for this post.

I emailed him recently to see if we could arrange a time to bring Christmas presents to the kids. I also asked what the grandson wants and/or likes. I knew it would be easy to shop for the (almost) one year old.

He wrote back and gave me a few suggestions. THEN! He also told me what his two boys want. (They don't even live with him.) He listed things like wii games. Sheesh. AND.. he also told me what HE wanted for Christmas. Gift certificates to restaurants.

I was like WTF??? We were planning on buying maybe a board game for his boys.. everyone.. to play. We wouldn't snub them. But don't you think it's a bit presumptive of him to send a list like that???

When he and my daughter were together he and his boys were in my family circle. In my mind they aren't anymore. He's the father of my youngest granddaughter and foster dad to my oldest grandson. That's his status to me now. And his boys? Hmm.. That's another subject altogether.

Families being all broken up like they are these days, there will always be people getting gifts from some but not from others. I mean.. I wouldn't expect his ex-wife to buy as much for my grandson as she would for her own boys. Right? Am I making sense here???

I think as long as we give the boys a token gift that that should be enough. My grandson will come up short, so to speak, too, in other ways. I don't feel we need to buy the boyfriend anything at all. We probably will get him something.. maybe a cheese basket or something.

In response to his email, I thanked him for the gift ideas. I explained that we (my family) had set a cap for gift costs this year.

Then I asked him if he wanted all our lists. (Snicker.)


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Akelamalu said...

I totally agree with you Barb. In fact I think he has a damn cheek! Send him your Christmas list. ;)

Anonymous said...

Wow. When did things get so difficult? I have no words for this situation. I'm frustrated for you.

Jan said...

:sigh: Amazing! Some people really have nerve is all I've got to say!
I don't envy your situation. Hang in there!

Mom Knows Everything said...

Nervy of him! I can understand getting him and "his other" kids a gift if your daughter and him were together, but not if they aren't.

marianne said...

the guy is all kinds of ballsy! I love that you offered to send YOUR listsl... brilliant! heh, heh ;)

ShannonW said...

Have you sent him your Christmas list yet? He has some nerve!

Erika Jean said...

haaha you should have given him a list and put outrageous things on it... hmm i cold use a new car, computer, and so on! hehe.

As for gifts. Him maybe but something generic.. like you said gift basket... as for his kids form elsewhere... nah. I mean what are you to them? you aren't their grandma, not really in an even step/related kind of way... i dunno that just sounds down right greedy of him!!

but maybe he knows no one else is getting anything for his boys? but STILL ugh!

Misty DawnS said...

I completely agree with you! Honestly, I would have never even considered getting HIM something - it just would NOT have crossed my mind! And the board game sounds perfect to me as a gift for his boys. I think you and Mike are doing more than enough by even getting anything for them.