Sunday, November 29, 2009

Something Has To Change

I said a couple posts ago that I was reluctant to post the picture of me and Granddaughter taking a nap together because it showed my fatness. OK.. call it like it is.. obesity. The truth of the matter is that had it been an old fashioned photo on paper I most likely would have ripped it to shreds and thrown it away.

Instead I keep coming back and looking at it. Kind of like rubbernecking a car accident. I don't want to see what is there.. but I can't help it.

Sure it's 'what's on the inside that counts'. That's what they say, right? Well, I'm pretty much ok with my insides. Except for the mental health issues of course. Basically I think I'm a pretty nice person. BUT, oh my God. The weight.

That picture was like a slap in my face. A big ol' wake up slap. I sat here and cried my eyes out yesterday. I saw how terribly close I am to being as large as those women who have to have walls cut out so they can be taken to a hospital. Richard Simmons used to do that for people.

I don't wear my jeans anymore because they no longer fit. The jeans I was so proud to get earlier this year. I'm most comfortable staying in my nightgown because it is loose and doesn't bind anywhere. When I'm not wearing it, it's back to the old elastic waist pants I hate.

I have no energy. I had been fooling myself into believing is was the depression and some of it may be from that. But some is from my weight, too. If I was 'normal' weight and had to carry around a 100+ pound brick all day I sure would be tired. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to pick it up yet I expect my body to do it day in and day out. It's easier to just sit.

Something has to change. Carefully, methodically, consistently. Maybe I could read up on healthy eating habits at Amazon books.

I had a lot more to say. I forgot what it was. Maybe next post.

5 comments:

Erika Jean said...

I only have one pair of jeans that fit :-/ I think part of what is holding me back from getting a "real job" is fining nice work clothes that fit :-/

Me and my friend started this blog - which I hope to get back to this week...http://strangerssheddingpounds.blogspot.com/ ...I really need too!

angel6033 said...

I hear you!! I think I have also come to the realization that I need to whip myself into shape and defenietly better eating habits!! If you decid to blog it I will be here for you ;)...

SilverNeurotic said...

I'm trying to get back into shape and lose weight. When I moved out of my parents house, I was actually at my ideal weight but thanks to everything that went on I gained all the weight I'd originally lost back.

Smalltown RN said...

Barb....you know you have made the first step to change...you have acknowledged that you need to lose weight. Starting is not easy...I may not be a 100lbs over weight but I feel the extra 10 lbs I carry aroudn and it stresses me. Some days I am good with excercising...other days not so much...some days I am better watching what I eat...some days I am not....

I have my stepper beside me in my office I should be on that right now instead of blogging...it's all about choices...decide what you want to do today and today only...record what you eat and do...keep a diary...set small goals each and every day if you don't make it so what there's always tomorrow....but just give it a try....I am with you on this one...let's lose it together...

Hugs.....

Dallas Meow said...

I just re-began the program I created for myself 8 years ago.
Lost alomst 100 lbs back then.
I took it steps at a time.

First week I committed to starting every day with 4-5 prunes or a small serving of raisin bran or fiber cereal.

Week two: No bread or sugar after 5PM