I said a couple posts ago that I was reluctant to post the picture of me and Granddaughter taking a nap together because it showed my fatness. OK.. call it like it is.. obesity. The truth of the matter is that had it been an old fashioned photo on paper I most likely would have ripped it to shreds and thrown it away.
Instead I keep coming back and looking at it. Kind of like rubbernecking a car accident. I don't want to see what is there.. but I can't help it.
Sure it's 'what's on the inside that counts'. That's what they say, right? Well, I'm pretty much ok with my insides. Except for the mental health issues of course. Basically I think I'm a pretty nice person. BUT, oh my God. The weight.
That picture was like a slap in my face. A big ol' wake up slap. I sat here and cried my eyes out yesterday. I saw how terribly close I am to being as large as those women who have to have walls cut out so they can be taken to a hospital. Richard Simmons used to do that for people.
I don't wear my jeans anymore because they no longer fit. The jeans I was so proud to get earlier this year. I'm most comfortable staying in my nightgown because it is loose and doesn't bind anywhere. When I'm not wearing it, it's back to the old elastic waist pants I hate.
I have no energy. I had been fooling myself into believing is was the depression and some of it may be from that. But some is from my weight, too. If I was 'normal' weight and had to carry around a 100+ pound brick all day I sure would be tired. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to pick it up yet I expect my body to do it day in and day out. It's easier to just sit.
Something has to change. Carefully, methodically, consistently. Maybe I could read up on healthy eating habits at Amazon books.
I had a lot more to say. I forgot what it was. Maybe next post.