I had my psyche med review last Saturday and something he said to me has been rattling around in my head. He said I'm too dependent on Mr. Skittles. Alright.. I can see all you people nodding your heads in agreement. Truth be told I even agree somewhat. The brain rattling part is how much I depend and when is it ok and when is it too much.
I've talked about this with a friend of mine and a family member and even with Mr. Skittles himself.. yet I'm finding it hard to put into words here. Geez. Sometimes I wonder why I even open up so much of myself to you three readers of this blog. Why can't I just post recipes and such. But nooo.. I'm not like that. I can't pretend I am. So here goes nothing...
I know there are some areas I could try harder in. Dishes, even the dreaded cookie sheets.. cooking instead of copping out a couple times a week and asking for take-out food. So basically kitchen things. Hmm.. I hadn't seen that before.
I could try harder to get dressed every day instead of taking the easy way out and stay in my nightgown. Yep. I do that. A couple days in a row even. Shower, shave, make myself be presentable. If anyone remembers a post a did about putting my shoes on every day..? Well that went right out the window before even a week was up. I need to get back to doing that. How does this relate to being too dependent? Cuz I know Mr. Skittles won't say anything to me if I don't.
I just realized something. Maybe I shouldn't say it just now.. but it IS something good to think on. I might tell ya'll in another post later.
There are some things I will continue needing help with. Shopping, driving.. most things OUTSIDE. I suspect there will continue to be things inside as well. I can look back and see, almost as if my life were a movie, and notice how my mental health has deteriorated over the years. Maybe it will continue to do so. I don't know. I don't have the answers.
One thing I think some people forget is that the brain is part of the body just as much as any other part. People can get leukemia that progresses. Diabetes progresses if not properly managed. My social anxiety and agoraphobia are legitimate disabilities. I was on government assistance for them when I met Mr. Skittles.
Maybe I'm just making excuses. Maybe I fall back on my issues as a crutch at times. But some of it is real. And I will continue needing to be dependent on Mr. Skittles to some degree. I will try to work harder on the things I have more control over though.