Monday, May 03, 2010

Until Then

When I get deep into my depression there aren't too many people who understand or are willing to talk about it with me. I've been in the spot for about a week now and find it's easier to act ok and just talk about things like diet pills or normal things. In fact it's easier to just ask about the other person and leave how I'm doing out of it.

Acting ok eventually catches up with me. I know this yet I continue doing it over the years when I know I'm feeling very much not ok. Yesterday I just broke out in tears and spent most of the day crying without knowing why. A release perhaps.

I'm just so.. tired and feel like I could sleep all day. A few days I've done just that. Crawled back into bed, pulled the covers up and slept. I stay in my nightgown. It's hard to do anything.. cook, clean, etc. My exercise bike sits unused most days. Tv holds no interest.. except for American Idol. I have no desire to play video games.

I know I'll pull out of this like I have in the past. Until then? I think I'll just go back to bed.

4 comments:

SilverNeurotic said...

I hope the depression lifts soon.

rose said...

Hi! saw your blog and wanted to drop in to say grab whatever support you can get to help with your depression. YOU'RE SMART AND RECOGNIZE THAT TALKING IT OUT WILL HELP.I noticed you are great at doing a no. of posts GO FOR IT! My exercise bike blocks my view of the tv, so I move it over and while sitting in my recliner,I say to myself"use it or move it out". Still haven't figured out what is the final outcome. I'll follow your blog. My blog is new hope you can check it out. http://somewondersoflife.blogspot.com/ hope to talk with you soon

Jan said...

Hi Barb! I know it's been awhile since I've been in the land of blogging. I too have been dealing with bouts of depression so I certainly understand what you're going through. I have Fibromyalgia and with it comes depression. It's not fun but it's an ongoing struggle nowadays.
You hang in there. Take time for you!
It's so good to be in touch again.
~Jan

Grace said...

I so recognize the asking about the other person and never saying how I am... I do it, you do it, and I know so many others that do it. Why oh why do we do this? I know it's hard... and I know when I ask and I don't get an answer back then I worry... as I feel things are much less than okay... ya know?

Okay... it's been a week since you wrote this... How Are YOU doing?

Hugs and I am always thinking of you... even though I am not popping in very often. Need to get my groove back...