Monday, December 29, 2008

Heads Or Tails #71 - Watch


You can play this at Heads Or Tails.

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I wear my heart on my sleeve and this means I'm usually fairly honest about what I'm thinking and feeling. Usually.

This blog has been a good outlet for me to express and share my successes, weaknesses, strengths and shortcomings. Some may think I'm a bit TOO honest so I'm never sure where I should draw the line.

At the risk of sounding cold hearted, I don't edit what I say here for any Joe Blow that may stumble in. I do however watch how I put things because I know my kids read my blog. Lately I've been wondering why I do that.

I've heard from them a few times when I've written something they felt should remain as "family business" or when I've written something that just outright angered them.

This may end up being one of those posts.

If you've read the last few posts, you know I've been going through an extremely (to put it mildly) rough time. I have been severely depressed and have had thoughts of self harm and even suicide. I know they've read this. Yet, I have not received one phone call, no email, no ecard from any of them.

I know people are often at a loss at times like this, not knowing what to say. But how hard would it be to drop a line to say "I love you" or "I care"???

Simple kindnesses I've gotten from bloggers.

I don't want my kids to be trashed in comments. I just wanted to be free to express these thoughts. I wanted to ask if any of you watch what you blog about for similar reasons.

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Watch these funny moments from game shows..



This post was kind of brought to you by auto insurance quotes.

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20 comments:

Misty Dawn said...

I would like to say that I don't watch what I say on my blog, but that would be a lie, because several times I have typed things and then deleted them because I didn't want the 'wrong' people to read them or take them the 'wrong' way.

((((Hug))))...

another ((((HUG))))...

OK...

LOTS-O-((((((((HUGS))))))))))

bundleocontradictions said...

I have to be very careful of Poor Hubby's feelers. Then again...we don't have Internet connection! And it's not like he'd visit my blog anyway. He doesn't care to know what's going on in my head when we're in person, why would he want to go to the effort to READ (he doesn't like to read) about it?? Sometimes I worry about when the time comes around that the kids might find my blog, but maybe it'll just reinforce to them all of the things that they might not want to hear me say. Anywho. They're our blogs, we can do whatever we want with 'em. *nyah!*

Jean at Penny Lane said...

You know Barb, even when I am not blogging, I think of you.
One of the funniest things you did and said was the water wasting experiment brushing your teeth. I crack up thinking of that AND sometimes, I will say, gee how many glasses did I fill, more or less than Skittles?

Anyways, here is hoping that every day brings a touch more of happiness in your life. Just know I think of you often.

Happy New Year.

forgetfulone said...

My family doesn't read my blog, and I am glad because I don't want to have to watch everything I say, and sometimes I just need to vent. We should be able to say what we want on our blogs without fear of reprisal. That's not always true, unfortunately. I do watch what I write to some degree, such as political views and the like.

I sure hope you're getting some help. There are a lot of people out here in blogland that would help if we could.

anthonynorth said...

Yes, I often watch what I say on my blog, for the sake of my family, AND the fact I get multiple audiences to different types of posts.
There's my magazine posts for the prompt communities, and then there's my deeper essay work. Often the two come into conflict, and I'm realising how much blogging can become a diplomatic enterprise.
You raise an important issue here.

Jeni said...

Because I am open on my blog -with my identiy and my kids too -I try not to post about topics that might land me in hot water somewhere along the line. Doesn't always work out that way, but in general, I try to follow that as a guide. If I am posting more personal family stuff, there are times when I may sugar-coat some things just a teensy bit, mainly because my older daughter can have a bit of a short fuse now and then. There's a lot of stuff in the back of my mind I think I'd like to post about but haven't yet figured out how to do it without raising a really big ruckus either with family members or friends. Maybe someday though... just taking a wait and see attitude till then.

Akelamalu said...

I also 'watch' what I write on my blog. I wish I had kept it secret from my family.

Hope you're feeling better m'dear. xx

Tookie Tail said...

I wear my heart on my sleeve as well, Barb. My oldest daughter introduced me to blogging so I'm sure she pops in from time to time to read my blog. I must admit I do screen my thoughts in my blog but only sometimes. I tend to be a bit blunt more and more as I age so she's learned to deal with it. LOL

Tina said...

sometimes when im doing small posts like awards, i dont like people to be offended if i dont give them one, so i might stay neutral and give to my top commenters or say dont worry i have more awards to give out soon etc. people are easily offended by anything i think.

I hope you manage to get through your rough time mate. take care x

p.s could i get gossip avenue to the hots roll and grab the script for roll off you when you get the chance? :)

Annie said...

i have to sensor what i write, even though i don't like to (and sometimes don't do a good job). unfortunately, i can't say everything i want to, because people i know read it. if i could, i would so much prefer to be just talking to the blogosphere, where i could say anything i liked. so i definetely know what you are saying.

i, too, have times where it's all just too much and i want it all to end... the comment you made about wanting to die, not because you wanted to stop living but because you wanted the pain to go away struck home. the people closest to me can't seem to give that simple 'i love you' that would make it so much easier to bear.

judging from these comments, the blogosphere loves you, and you would be sorely missed. hopefully, this is some comfort to you.

good luck for the new year.
xx

Hootin' Anni said...

Since I was here last, you have been in my thoughts! How are you doing now? Feeling better? I sure hope so! We care!!

Thing is, I think that is what a blog is about....even if something may be something that another doesn't want you/me to post...it's a way to vent feelings, or perhaps show an up side of yourself. You, in my mind, are doing wonders for yourself by typing out your feelings, frustrations...it's a healing process.

If you'd like to visit with me...

My HoT is posted. I have a 'watch' cat, sunrise, history and movies today.

Do have a great day Barb...you'll always be in my thoughts and prayers.

Shannon H. said...

((((hugs)))) I see no reason to bash your children Barb. I am sure they love you!!!!

The Curmudgeon said...

I blog anonymously and in real life, too. My family knows about the real life blog. It isn't updated as regularly. It isn't nearly as much fun (I do some work-related stuff there).

But I watch what I say in both blogs. I know the veil of anonymity can be pierced by anyone determined enough to try. I therefore try not to offer cause.

Now... the hard part... Barb, let me run something by you here: Is it easier for us bloggers to offer you encouragement and support during these tough times? I know it has to be safer, somehow, and I mean emotionally safer, for us at our varying distances, than for those closest to you. You've given your best answer in framing the question: Sometimes people really don't know what to say.

But you also say they're reading. They know. Isn't that important, too? Maybe even more important than saying nice-sounding things... but not really paying attention?

I wish you the best, Barb, and a good new year for you and your family.

Sue said...

I too watch what I say both in blogging, and in person. Happy HOT day, and Happy New Year!

Simone said...

I have unpublished a few of my post because it might reflect badly on husband or other people.
I have actually been posted less of my personal struggles since moving to Northern Ireland. Partly because my blog is open.

Tammy said...

A lot of my family members don't read my blog, but some of them do so I do watch what I say most times.

Lisa - Life is Like a Box of Legos said...

I tend to be a fairly open book, which some people would prefer to shut and return to the library, I think. Although, I do temper what I write - I think it gives me an outlet to journal my feelings and understand them a bit as opposed to just thinking while I talk - which most times is not the best approach. It's lovely to express thoughts via the blogging veil - kind of like throwing spaghetti at the ceiling to see what sticks. I wish you all the best in 2009 and am so glad that I'm a part of the Hort Community. Thank you for all you do -

Tumblewords: said...

Glad you are feeling a little better = this is a down time of year for many of us - things look up for me when the 5-6 feet of snowfall begin to disappear and I can find the sun, a straggling weed and get my car out of the garage. :)

storyteller said...

I was raised to 'watch' what I say and methinks I do that on all of blogs. That said, I'm often surprised at what slips through unnoticed ... but hopefully it won't come back to haunt me. No ... not all of the animals in the HoTs collage at Small Reflections today belong to me and YES that IS Molly watching television (she does like Ellen but watches other things too). I hope you continue to feel better.
Hugs and blessings,

Bee Bee said...

I had issues earlier when I was regularly blogging. I felt a pressure (imaginary?)to keep up the pace. I felt I had make every post interesting and deep.
At the end I quit.
Of course I started again now with a conscious effort not to be bothered about external expectations.

I hope the new year gives you immense strength to pull yourself up.