You Put Your Left Leg In..

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Did you sing the next line? Then did you shake it all about? Wasn't the "put your backside in" always the best part? I thought it was.

That's not what I'm here to ramble talk about.

I went to the psychiatrist earlier today after missing an appointment last week. He asked how I was doing and I said except for running out of meds, not too bad thanks.

He ran down a list of possible symptoms to assess my current state of mind.

• Am I having trouble sleeping? No.
• Am I having any nightmares? No.
  
• Have I had a decrease in appetite? Um.. Look at me.
• Have I had "extended" crying spells? Extended.. no.
• Have I had thoughts of self-harm? No.
  
• Have I had suicidal thoughts? No.
• What about mood swings? EEK.
  

I told him I'm not necessarily having mood swings. It's more like periods of being irritated and bitchy. That caught his attention and he looked up from his notepad. I continued.

I told him I get irritated about a lot of things lately and most of them are related to my husband. I said you know how men are and rolled my eyes. (I think he took that personally what with him being a man and all.)

Me: My husband has a way of doing things, but I want him to do them my way.
Him: *Blank look*
Me: Oh c'mon. You're married, right?
Him: Yes, I am.
Me: Then you know what I'm talking about.
Him: Yes. Yes, I do. *Knowing smile*

I said most of the things that irritate me are related to working with our puppy. We learn things to do at class to train her. I work on them. Hubby does not. It's not that he doesn't work with her, it's that what he does is not what we were taught to do and I think that's sending confusing messages to the puppy. I know she's still having trouble with what she's supposed to be learning.

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These are my own thoughts now about what's going on here. Not at the psychiatrist office anymore...

This puts me in the position of saying, "HoNeY..we were told to do it this (or that) way.." He apologizes, which also irritates me, then continues to do things his way. I know I'm being a bitch and a nag.. but I feel very strongly about this. Puppy is only four months old but she already weighs almost fifty pounds and we really need to get her behaving before she gets too big to manage.

Most marital problems start out with petty stuff like this. But it just bugs me to no end and I can't seem to let go of it. Some things I can overlook. I don't feel this is one of them. It is very important to get this puppy to walk with us, not pull us along. To stop jumping on us and everyone she sees. She has almost knocked me down once already. Like I said, she's almost fifty pounds. And four months old.

I have to let it out even if it's naggy. If I keep it in, I know I will internalize it and do something stupid. Like one of the questions I was asked today. *Cough*Self harm*Cough* But I get those looks from him from time to time. You know what looks I'm talking about. STFU but in different way than what I get from cashiers and others.

So, mood swings? Maybe. I don't think that's what the psychiatrist meant. He DID increase both my meds.

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I remember an episode from Everyone Loves Raymond where Debra was having PMS. Ray brought home a bottle of Midol for Debra. She read the symptoms Midol helps with then said to him, "What about bitchy, Ray? Does it help with BITCHY?"

This scene was near the end of the episode. It kind of reminds me of myself lately, even though I'm way past having periods and even past menopause and my moods don't come and go quite as quickly. *Smile*