Should Have Done Me In

I've been thinking. Thinking about a lot of things. Maybe even about weight loss products but maybe not. Mostly I've been trying to figure out why I'm having such a hard time lately. Maybe if I can figure out then maybe I can fix it somehow.

Ya know I really expected to fall apart during the packing and moving process. I was very surprised that I didn't. All the disorganization should have done me in. All the back and forth driving.. ferrying things over before the big move day. The move day itself. It all wasn't easy on me but I held it together somehow.

I've realized it isn't the house itself that's at the root of the trouble. That's a relief to know. Some aspects like people seeing me now DO come into play. The computer issue does big time, too. (I had to reboot three times just to get this far along in this post. Sheesh.) I think if I could make myself get reconnected with the computer then my desk chair would regain some of its safe feeling. A computer that isn't ready to die would help me with this.

I'm without the computer since the move. I don't want to be in front of it all day anymore. That's why I'm lost and struggling every day. Can you picture yourself in your home just walking around with nothing at all to do??? No cleaning or housework even. I'm not a tv person so that holds no interest. At least I won't find myself getting hooked on soaps. OK.. maybe you could find something to do but I can't.

And that leads me to another train of thought. Is my life so shallow? That all I used to fill it with was computer things? Apparently so. That's a bit depressing, huh? Just for shits and giggles I logged onto World Of Warcraft today. Maybe I could get back into that. Nope. There was no pull to play it and I logged off.

Sooooo I feel sorry for myself a lot. More than a couple times a day I just put my head in my hands and start crying. I cry it out, blow my nose and take a Xanax. Start pacing again. I'm so happy when 5pm approaches because I can start fixing dinner for when Mr. Skittles gets home.

I need to find a way to get past this. I do not like feeling this way.. being this way.